Introduction

My high school’s sports teams were called the “Gators.” No, I didn’t live in Florida. Instead, the town I lived in was where you exited the Pennsylvania Turnpike to make your way to Pittsburgh – and, thus, called the “Gateway to Pittsburgh.”  

So, really just a play on words. There were no alligators within 500 miles. Clever? Maybe.

What was your high school’s mascot? Chances are you were something boring like the Eagles, or Tigers, or Panthers, or Bulldogs. Those are indeed the top ranked high school mascots in the country, totaling 1229, 879, 827 & 802 schools, respectively.

I’ll bet, though, that you secretly wanted to be a Cornjerker, or a Melloneer, or a Wooden Shoe, or a Battling Bather. And, yes, those are all real. Heck, they’re all unique to boot (though maybe that’s not all that surprising when you think about it).

Now, not just any high school can make it into this rather questionable hall of fame. So, there’s gonna have to be some rules here.

Most obviously, I don’t want something where the school obviously set out to be weird and quirky and cutesy. I’m talkin’ Aardvarks, Chipmunks, Crickets, and Thunder Chicken.

That’s an aardvark, BTW

I’m also talkin’ the Fort Edwards Flying Forts, Kuna Kavemen, Bryn Mawr Mawrtians, Pied Pipers of Hamlin (TX), Poca (FL) Dots, and Webb Feet.

I also don’t want something that’s too obvious. Now, the Big Macs sounds pretty crazy out of context. When you learn they play for Canon-McMillan, though, maybe not so much. Same thing with the Burgers of Warrensburg, the Grovers of Oak Grove, the Inventors of Edison Tech, the Larries of St Lawrence Central, the Mighty Bookers of Booker T Washington High, the Mounders of Elk Mound, and the Clovers of Cloverdale.

And I believe that’s supposed to be an elk

And that also includes the Aspen Skiers, Fredericktown Freddies, Venice (CA) Gondoliers, Chickasha Fighting Chicks, Chippewa Chipps, and Aliquippa Quips.

It’s the unintentional humor we’re after here. We want the names where the town fathers, or football coach, or school board, or local reporter seriously thought said mascot was a great idea. What we’re after here are the names that make strangers to town simply furrow their brows, scrunch their eyes, and scratch their heads.

So, here they are – a 100 wacky, weird, and unique mascots, in roughly alphabetical order.

Jeeps – Northeast Dubois (IN) High School

NOTE:  We’re a little short of 100, so I’m adding a few more to get us to that magic number. And this makes 100!

Hard to believe, but this has nothing to do with sport utility vehicles.

Instead, it refers to a character in the cartoon Popeye. Said character, named “Eugene”:

• Is about the size of a dog, and walks on his hind legs
• Has a bear-like head and ears but a large nose, long tail, and protruding belly
• Eats only orchids 
• Says only the word “jeep”
• Communicates through body language
• Has a very high intelligence
• Can teleport

All of which, of course, makes him an ideal mascot for any high school’s sports teams. Honestly, though, the only association I could make was that the Northeast Dubois basketball team were fans of the character. I’m talking the year 1936 or thereabouts.

Dubois is in the southwest corner of Indiana, 70-some miles from Evansville. Dating back to 1885, it currently has 500 inhabitants.

The high school has about 375 students, making it almost as large as Dubois itself. The school dates back to 1969, with major renovations taking place around 2020. 

They feature 13 sports, all of which are pretty standard. The boys basketball & girls volleyball teams are standouts, though without any state titles. 

And, yes, they do have a physical, on-field (extremely unprepossessing) mascot:

Millionaires – Williamsport (PA) Area High School

NOTE:  We’re a little short of 100, so I’m adding a few more to get us to that magic number. 

Odd. I associate the town more with the Little League World Series.

That is indeed Williamsport’s main claim to fame. Turns out, though, that they were once famous for being one of the wealthier towns in the country.

Whence that wealth? Gold? Silver? Oil? Well, would you believe wood? Yup, Williamsport was “once known as the ‘Lumber Capital of the World.’”

That same source (Wikipedia) also goes on to say that the town “purportedly once had more millionaires per-capita than anywhere else in the world.” Indeed, Williamsport’s Millionaires’ Row has its very own Wikipedia article.

Founded in 1796, the town today has 28,000 people. Once again, according to that Wikipedia article, Williamsport is the “cultural, financial, and commercial center of North Central Pennsylvania.” 

It also lists 40+ “notable people.” I actually know one, baseball Hall of Famer Mike Mussina.

The high school has about 1500 students. They offer about 13 sports. 

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any physical mascot. Luckily, though, the town’s minor league team, the Crosscutters, has two:

That’s Rusty on the left and Boomer on the right. At least Rusty, who’s a lumberjack, has something to do with logging. Boomer, on the other hand, seems very rando, and may have more to do with the Philly Fanatic than anything else (the team was once in the Phillie farm system).

Stingarees – Texas City (TX) High School

NOTE:  We’re a little short of 100, so I’m adding a few more to get us to that magic number.

Stinga-what?

Wouldn’t ya know … turns out it’s an old-timey word for a sting ray.

And, yes, Texas City, is on the water. In particular, it’s on the mainland, right across the bay from Galveston.

The city has 52,000 inhabitants, and is mostly known for petrochemicals. 

It was settled in the 1830s, and originally called Shoal Point. The name was later changed when the town was developed as a major port (it’s currently the 4th largest in the US).

Texas City seems to be mostly associated with disasters, including the:

• Galveston hurricane of 1900 (deadliest natural disaster in US history)
• 1947 explosion (580 killed, town leveled)

• BP explosion of 2005 (15 killed)
• Hurricane Ike, in 2008 (flooding, relocation)

Oh, it’s also an EPA superfund site.

On the positive side, Tc isalso the birthplace of the USAF. It also seems to have produced 15 “notable people,” including two I’ve actually heard of – broadcaster Stone Phillips and football player D’Onta Foreman.

Mr. Foreman

The high school dates back to 1952, and currently has 1800 students. It’s about half Latino, a quarter Black, and a quarter White. The school lists 14 “notable alumni,” including the aforementioned Foreman. They seem particularly proud of their parking lot:

TCHS supports 12 sports. They are typically know as the “Stings.”

And, yes, they do have a real, live, on-field mascot:

Ridiculous as it looks, it’s definitely better, though, than what it replaced:

 

The last two have been described as an "shaggy, old, orange carpet" and like "Casper the Friendly Ghost [falling] into a bucket of orange juice." 

Of course, the new one has been called a "shark with a cowboy hat." Guess there's just no pleasing some people. 

Maniacs – Orofino (ID) High School

NOTE:  We’re a little short of 100, so I’m adding a few more to get us to that magic number.

No, this has nothing to do whatsoever with the Idaho State Hospital, located right in town. Nothing to do at all. Why ever would you think that?

Instead – at least according to the Idaho Statesman – it seems that some opponents “decided the Orofino players played and looked like a bunch of maniacs [and the name stuck].” Further, it “is not intended to depict a hospital patient enduring shock treatment.” Nope, not at all.

In addition to the hospital, Orofino also has a prison! So, I guess they could have been something like the Convicts, or the Felons, or the Criminals as well (hey, didn’t Yuma already take that last one?).

I guess “Offenders” would work as well
(especially considering the alliteration)

Orofino, which means “fine gold,” is in the panhandle. It’s also in the very northeast corner of the Nez Perce Indian Reservation, and right on the Clearwater River. The town dates back to 1895, and today has about 2,700 inhabitants.

Some other areas of interest include a Lewis & Clark site, a big dam, and Boomershoot, an “annual precision rifle event.” The place looks genuinely beautiful.

The high school has about 240 students. They offer 8 sports, and have won 4 state titles, including 2 in basketball.

Luckily, there is a physical mascot:

Even more fortunately, he sure beats the last one they had:

Hatters – Hatboro-Horsham (PA) High School

NOTE:  We’re a little short of 100, so I’m adding a few more to get us to that magic number.

We’re mad, I tell you!  Mad!

Hatboro and Horsham are just to the norhwest of Philadelphia, which they serve as bedroom communities. They both date back to 1715 or so. Together, they now have more than 23,000 people.

Hatboro’s the bigger of the two, about about two time the size of Horsham. Hatboro has two claims to fame:

• The Battle of Crooked Billet, during the Revolutionary War
• Being where Jill Biden grew up

Horsham’s home to a Air National Guard base, as well as an air museum.

The high school dates back to 1950, and today has 1,300 students. Sounds like they’re very proud of their robotics team, TV studio & channel, and band.

Sports-wise, they’ve notched 6 state championships, in softball, hockey, x-country & swimming.

Oh, about those hats … Sure enough, Hatboro was once known for making the things (oh, in the early 1700s, that is).

No real mascot, unfortunately. Though I did find this guy:

Cheesemakers – Monroe (WI) High School

NOTE:  We’re a little short of 100, so I’m adding a few more to get us to that magic number.

So, this is Wisconsin, right? I would imagine any high school in the state could be called the Cheesemakers. So, what’s so special about Monroe? 

Well, it is known as the “Gateway to Cheese Country,” as well as the “Cheese Capital of the US.”  The town also features a biennial festival called Cheese Days, which dates all the way back to 1914. You’ll also want to check out places like the National Historic Cheesemaking Center, as well as several cheese stores, including Swiss Colony. Well, then – Cheesemakers it is!

Monroe’s right on the border with Illinois, about halfway between Iowa & Lake Michigan. It was settled in the 1830s (with many settlers coming from Switzerland), and officially incorporated in 1882. In addition to cheese, other industries have included lumber and lead mining. Today, it’s got about 10,700 people.

The town claims over 40 famous citizens, though I haven’t heard of a one. I do, though, feel like I need to at least call out the following: 

• “Evelene Brodstone, one of the highest paid female executives of the 1920s
• Edwin Copeland, botanist and founder of the University of the Philippines Los Banos College of Agriculture
• G. Fred Galli, cheesemaker and legislator” [Wikipedia]

For some reason, they’ve also produced 8 generals. Must be something in the cheese.

Evelene would later become Lady Vestley

The high school claims 5 famous alumni (including 1 general!), but no one I’ve ever heard of. It has about 700 students total.

The school features 22 different sports, including all-time faves bowling and girls hockey. They’re 3-time state champions … back in the 1970s … in cross-country.

I feel like their color should be orange

I was wracking my brains thinking about what their actual mascot should look like. Wouldn’t you know – they picked the perfect one: