Modeltowners – Gwinn (MI) High School

“Give me an M!  Give me an O! Give me a D! Give me an E! Give me an L! Give me a T! Give me another O! Give me a W! … Ah, forget it.”

Just too many damn syllables. 

Gwinn is a town of almost 1,800 right smack dab in the middle of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. You betcha, Yoopers!

Gwinn’s basically a company town, owing its existence to an iron ore mine. Sounds like the company made a special effort to make the place livable, though, hence the “model town” designation. It’s actually on the National Register of Historic Places.

“Street scene in downtown Gwinn” (Wikipedia)

The town claims 3 notable people, the most prominent being professional wrestler Mike Shaw, better known as Norman the Lunatic.

The high school’s got not quite 260 students. They do, though, field teams for all the major sports. And, yes, they do play the Ishpeming Hematites!

Totally giving up on trying to represent a model town as a mascot, the school has tried a:

• Pine tree
• Jet plane (for a former Air Force base just north of the town)
• Tiger 

And that last one explains why the current logo looks like a paw. (Heck, why not just call them the Tigers then?)

Some clever person out there, though, thought that AI might be able to come up with a solution to this thorny problem. Et voila!

I kid you not

MightyMen – Dunbar (IL) Vocational Career Academy High School (whew!)

I’ll give you 10-1 odds they’re called the MightyMights by their opponents. Wanna bet?

Dunbar is a vocational high school in the southside of Chicago. It’s named after Paul Laurence Dunbar, an African–American author. Honestly, though, he doesn’t look particularly mighty:

Slightly depressed, sure. Mighty, no.

It doesn’t appear he has any connection with Chicago either. Or with ancient Egypt, for that matter. (Honestly, why aren’t these guys the Pharaohs?).

Anyway, the school was founded in 1942, with the current building dating back to 1955. 

Today, it has only 330 students and features a mere 4 sports. Back in the day, though, the MightyMen notched 15 CPL (Chicago public school) titles in 5 different sports (but especially track & field). They also featured some famous alumni, like Bernard Shaw (CNN), Lou Rawls, and even Mr T himself.

Mighty!

Like our Marshmen from a couple of weeks ago, though, the MightyMen mascot is terribly gendered, and might cause some problems in these politically correct times we live in. To wit, are their female athletes called MightyLadies, MightyWomen, Lady MightyMen, MightyPeopleWithVaginas?

I’m afraid that’s not helping any

Meloneers – Rocky Ford (CO) Junior Senior High School

“Eer” I get. You know, charioteers, buccaneers, profiteers, racketeers, mutineers, mouseketeers …

The “melon” part, not so much.

Actually, though, there is some logic behind this one. In fact, Rocky Ford has been called the “sweet melon capital,” “Watermelon Metropolis,” and “Melon Capital of the World.”

And why is that, you may ask. Turns out Rocky Ford’s melons are the sweetest in the country, for several reasons:

• Change in temperature from day to night (the biggest in the country)
• Lack of excess water
• High mineral content of the clay soil

According to the town website, Lucille Ball “was reportedly such a fan she had Rocky Ford melons delivered to her dressing room.”

The town itself? It was founded in 1871 by one G.W. Swink. Today, it has a population of 3,900. It’s in the southeast part of the state (i.e., super flat), on the Arkansas River. And would you believe they’ve been holding a Watermelon Day there for almost 150 years?

The high school is small, with only about 275 students. They still manage to field nine different teams, including football. Their wrestling team is top notch. From 1976 to 1990, they won 10 state wrestling championships.

And then there’s that mascot. The city’s website calls it a “muscular melon,” which it most surely is. Kinda angry too.

The school really plays it up. Their motto is “Fear the melon.” And indoor sports are played in the Melondome. Gotta love it.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Getty

Martians – Goodrich (MI) High School

So, these Martians are supposed to be named for Mars, the Roman god of war.

I don’t know … You wanna tell ‘em?

Interestingly, they were formerly the Gladiators. Hey, if it ain’t broke …

Well, it is good to see at least the robotics team owning the obvious.

Goodrich? It’s a town of 2,000, in the Flint metropolitan area. And, yes, Flint does indeed appear to have a metropolitan area. Here’s a shot of the Goodrich metropolitan area:

Oddly, the town is named for the first settler, one John, who arrived in 1835. I was assuming it had to be an automotive reference (you know, to BFGoodrich). I mean, we’re talking the Motor City area here, right? Unfortunately, that Goodrich is located in Akron.

Looks like the high school has the same population as the city, 2,000. They’ve got one famous alum, Kyle Elsworth, a 2-time state champ in wrestling, linebacker at Michigan State, and MVP of the 2014 Rose Bowl. Geez, Kyle, couldn’t you have at least made it to the NFL? The school features plenty of sports, including golf, bowling, and equestrian.

Good Lord!  What is that thing?

BTW, don’t get our Goodrich High School with the Goodrich High School in SD or TX. Respectively, they’re the Hornets and Dragons. Hey, that last one isn’t too bad, you know?