Introduction

My high school’s sports teams were called the “Gators.” No, I didn’t live in Florida. Instead, the town I lived in was where you exited the Pennsylvania Turnpike to make your way to Pittsburgh – and, thus, called the “Gateway to Pittsburgh.”  

So, really just a play on words. There were no alligators within 500 miles. Clever? Maybe.

What was your high school’s mascot? Chances are you were something boring like the Eagles, or Tigers, or Panthers, or Bulldogs. Those are indeed the top ranked high school mascots in the country, totaling 1229, 879, 827 & 802 schools, respectively.

I’ll bet, though, that you secretly wanted to be a Cornjerker, or a Melloneer, or a Wooden Shoe, or a Battling Bather. And, yes, those are all real. Heck, they’re all unique to boot (though maybe that’s not all that surprising when you think about it).

Now, not just any high school can make it into this rather questionable hall of fame. So, there’s gonna have to be some rules here.

Most obviously, I don’t want something where the school obviously set out to be weird and quirky and cutesy. I’m talkin’ Aardvarks, Chipmunks, Crickets, and Thunder Chicken.

That’s an aardvark, BTW

I’m also talkin’ the Fort Edwards Flying Forts, Kuna Kavemen, Bryn Mawr Mawrtians, Pied Pipers of Hamlin (TX), Poca (FL) Dots, and Webb Feet.

I also don’t want something that’s too obvious. Now, the Big Macs sounds pretty crazy out of context. When you learn they play for Canon-McMillan, though, maybe not so much. Same thing with the Burgers of Warrensburg, the Grovers of Oak Grove, the Inventors of Edison Tech, the Larries of St Lawrence Central, the Mighty Bookers of Booker T Washington High, the Mounders of Elk Mound, and the Clovers of Cloverdale.

And I believe that’s supposed to be an elk

And that also includes the Aspen Skiers, Fredericktown Freddies, Venice (CA) Gondoliers, Chickasha Fighting Chicks, Chippewa Chipps, and Aliquippa Quips.

It’s the unintentional humor we’re after here. We want the names where the town fathers, or football coach, or school board, or local reporter seriously thought said mascot was a great idea. What we’re after here are the names that make strangers to town simply furrow their brows, scrunch their eyes, and scratch their heads.

So, here they are – about a 100 wacky, weird, and unique mascots, in roughly alphabetical order.